Is there anything worse than being broke?

March 8, 2010 by munky · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Economy, General, Rants 
I'll sell you my tie

I'll sell you my tie

Some people will say so. Most of them aren’t broke so, do their opinions really matter? I mean, I can look at the bright side, I have my family, my health, my house, etc. Ok, well, the health is questionable (large amounts of stress does that to people), stress in the family, and the consistent fear of losing my house and everything.

Simply put, being broke is about one of the worst things that can happen to you. Not because of the lack of money, because it’s true, money doesn’t buy happiness. It’s the fear and anxiety surrounding the future. An unknown future.

For the last year I have been on unemployment, simultaneously looking for work and going to school. I’ve managed to get by, even with all of the income that is no longer coming in (we made roughly 50% less in 2009 than we did in 2008). I was proud of myself, putting us in a position where even with both of us losing jobs and taking substantial cuts in pay, we could still squeak by.

With summer nearing, I began seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I’m a semi-finalist of a major scholarship which would give me a livable stipend (starting at $25,000 a year). I’ve got realistic chances for great internships that would provide decent pay and a wealth of experience. It looked like all of my hard work may be beginning to pay off. All of the restless nights working on school work, studying and forcing myself to understand and apply the concepts, working hard on teams to complete projects and set up conferences. Then yesterday I found out my unemployment benefits are tapped out, a couple of weeks shy of a full year.

Fear, anxiety. How am I going to get by? How am I going to keep paying the bills, keep a roof over our heads, put food on the table. This is where broke is the worst. It isn’t that you aren’t being a man or a woman, doing everything you can to make things right. It’s the lack of any control, knowing you are powerless to fight back.

I’ve applied for my extension, and even though everything appears to be ok, but who knows. I have no power to make them do anything, and now all I can do is hope and wait that that check keeps coming. In the mean time I will keep doing what I do, yet deep down slightly unhinged by the fear.

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